Teaching Kids to be Kind

Kindness matters. And what our kids see is what they will mimic. So if you show kindness to others, your kids are more apt to show kindness to others. We have to lead by example!

In a national survey conducted by the U.S. Department of Education, 100% of student participants reported experiencing, witnessing, or being aware of acts of bullying during the 2021-2022 school year. (National Center for Education Statistics, 2022)

Let that sink in. No parent wants their child to be a bully or a person who is mean to others, right? We all want to instill the character trait of kindness in our kids…but how?

Instilling Kindness in Your Kids:

1. COMPLIMENT Kindness: Notice it and praise it!  

Compliment kindness in your child. If your child lets a sibling choose which game to play, notice it and compliment it. You can say something specific like “Thank you for letting her choose.  That was very kind of you!” Kids value what you value. This shows your child that you notice and care about their kind behavior.  

Compliment kindness in others. Regularly ask your child who’s been kind to them lately, then compliment those people. This guides your child to look for kindness in others and prioritize it as something they value.  

2. COMMAND Kindness: Guide and discipline your child towards kindness.

Command kindness as a family rule. Use statements like, “In our family we are kind.” Prioritize kindness by commanding it in your homes and family life. Make it a non-negotiable in your family culture. 

Habitually ask “But is it kind?" If your child starts complaining about a very annoying person at school, have conversations about how they could respond to the situation.  Build the habit of filtering all actions through the “but is it kind?” question. This will guide your child to view their life choices in the framework of kindness.

Discipline children when they are unkind. If your child is mean, rude, disrespectful or unkind, it must be met with discipline. But don’t end there…

Introducing the “Make it Right” rule. When you discipline, follow it up by requiring your child to “make it right.” This may involve writing a note, tangibly fixing something, or simply listening quietly to the feeling of the person they hurt. Help them see that when they hurt someone else, they are called to restore the relationship and “make it right.” 

3. CARRY OUT Kindness: Improve in this area yourself.

In her wonderful book Spiritual Parenting: An Awakening for Today’s Families, Michelle Anthony focuses the last chapter on the power of modeling. When you have a goal for your child, like kindness, you must model it in your own life.  This requires humility, prayer, and intentionality. It also requires grace.  

Pro-tip. You won’t be perfect. But when you fall short, apologize and point it out to your kids! If they hear you say “I am so sorry, that was not kind of me. Will you forgive me?” That leaves an impact.

You may find that your failures, handled with humility and honesty, do more to guide your children to kindness, than your successes. As your child’s first and best teacher, you can impact the person they are today and the person they will become!  

If you want them to be more kind to others, consider how you might lead them by complimenting, commanding and carrying out kindness in our homes. 

 

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