Teaching Kids the Line Between Work Ethic and Identity

In a world that celebrates achievement, it's easy for our kids as well as ourselves to believe our worth comes from what we do. But God wants something different from us and our kids. He isn't asking us to earn His love; He's inviting us to simply be with Him. This blog post helps us to raise children who work hard, yet find their identity and value not in their accomplishments, but in the love of Christ.

The story of Mary and Martha. Phew, that’s a hard story to swallow if you are a “Martha” type like so many of us are. If you aren’t familiar with the story, it’s found in the Bible, in Luke 10: 38-42.

Jesus was coming to town and the sisters, Mary and Martha, were going to host his visit. So, imagine the Savior, the Son of God is coming to your house. What would you do? 

You would clean, and cook, and prepare, and probably stress just a little to make sure everything was just perfect. 

That’s exactly what Martha did. But what did Mary do? 

Mary sat at Jesus’ feet the entire time. She stayed close to Jesus and soaked in everything He said during his visit. Can you imagine, not working at all to prepare for the King? It almost feels wrong. 

From the time we are little we are taught to work hard. We want our kids to have a strong work ethic.

But somewhere along the way, hard work can quietly become something else. Our kids can start to believe that their value comes from what they accomplish instead of who they are. They start to think they are only as good as their grades, their success on the soccer team and their talents. 

That’s where this story from the Bible becomes so important. Listen to what Jesus tells Martha when she becomes frustrated with her sister. 

“…Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

What did Mary choose? Jesus. Not productivity or performance. Mary chose His presence. 

That is where our children will find their worth too. 

Yes, we want our children to work hard as if they are working for the Lord. Scripture tells us, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord…” (Colossians 3:23-24) 

But there’s a world of difference between working out of love and working for love. 

When we work out of love, we know we are already loved so we joyfully do our best. But when we work for love, we think that if we do more, we’ll finally be enough. 

As parents, we can reinforce this truth in simple ways every day. Here are a few tips:

• Celebrate the losses, just as much as we celebrate the wins.
• Praise perseverance and character just as much as awards and accomplishments. 
• Remind them that effort matters but their identity in Christ matters even more. 
• Talk often about working from God’s love and not for God’s love. 

This is easier said than done and we won’t always get this right because we all have a little Martha in us. Right?

You have to wonder, did Martha sit and listen after that? Did she finally take a deep breath and realize that all Jesus really wanted was to spend time with her? 

Hopefully she sat. Hopefully she listened. Hopefully she knew that she was loved way before she ever lifted a finger to try and earn it. 

And let’s pray our kids will, too. 

Because long after the trophies gather dust and the grades are forgotten, only one truth remains:

Our kids were loved by Jesus long before they ever achieved a single thing. 

 

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