Bullying (Part 4): What should my child do if they see bullying happen?

Every kid will see bullying happen! And when they witness bullying, many kids feel unsure about what to do. Should I step in? What if I make it worse? What if I become a target too?

As parents, one of our deepest hopes is that our children grow into people of both kindness and courage. God wants this for our kids as well. These moments are more than social and relational challenges. They’re opportunities to live out faith in real, meaningful ways.

Here are some tips on how you can help your child go from being a BULLY BYSTANDER to BULLY STOPPER!

Step one: Remind them what bullying is! 

You can read our previous blog Bully (Part 1): Is Your Child Being Bullied for more information on the definition of bullying.

Explain that bullying is:

• Repeated — it happens more than once to the same person.
• Intentional — it's meant to hurt or humiliate.
• Imbalanced — there's a power difference between the bully and the target.

Most kids think of bullying only as physical, but there are many different types of bullying. It can be physical, verbal, relational, or digital. Check out our blog Bully (Part 3): What to Do When My Child is the Bully to know what to look for! 

Help your child identify examples from books, movies, or age-appropriate conversations about real life. Remind your child to never encourage the bullying by laughing, cheering or participating in it in any way. 

Step 2: Confront it calmly. 

If the situation seems safe and your child feels comfortable speaking up directly, let your child know that a short, calm sentence can be surprisingly effective:

• "Hey, that's not cool."
• "Leave them alone."
• "This isn't funny."
• “Stop! That’s bullying!”

The goal is to interrupt the behavior and show the victim they have an ally. If the bullying stops, GREAT! If not, walk away to end the behavior, ideally taking the victim with them. 

Step 3: Be a friend to the person being bullied. 

A great Bible verse to look up with your child is Philippians 2:3-5: 

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” 

Talk about what it means to reach out to those who are hurting and looking to the interests of others. One of the simplest, most powerful things your child can do is show kindness afterward. This can be a beautiful reflection of Jesus. Sitting with someone at lunch, inviting them into a group, or just asking “Are you okay?” can make a lasting difference.

Step 4: Tell a Trusted Adult

Help your child understand that telling an adult is not "tattling." Tattling is when you tell on someone with the intention of getting them in trouble. Telling is when you report to keep someone safe. That is always the right thing to do.

Identify the trusted adults in your child's life:

• A teacher or coach
• The school counselor
• A parent (theirs or yours)
• A principal or administrator

Encourage them: "You can come tell me anything. You will never be in trouble for doing the right thing."

Step 5: Pray for the bully and the one being bullied.

Prayer brings us in alignment with God. He wants us to pray on behalf of others. Encourage your child to pray during and after the moments they have witnessed. They can ask for courage, wisdom, and a loving heart. They can pray for both students involved.

Prayer helps shift the focus from reacting emotionally to responding faithfully. Here is a sample prayer that you can pray as a family.

Lord, help us to see the people around us who are hurting. Give us hearts full of Your compassion, and courage that comes not from ourselves, but from You. Help us to remember that You are with us when we are afraid to speak up on behalf of someone else. Help us be the kind of friend that we would want in our friends. Use us to bring kindness and justice into our world. In the name of Jesus…Amen.

So, to summarize, when your kid sees someone being bullied remind them to:

• Be a friend: walk over, stand with them and include them.
• Don't join in: no laughing or encouraging the behavior.
• Say something simple: "That's not okay" and walk away together.
• Tell an adult: a teacher, coach, parent, or counselor.
• Pray: for the bully and the one being bullied!

Talking about these things before they happen is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. You don't have to have all the answers! Just start the conversation. 

 

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