Love and Respect: The heart of any relationship

A marriage is the foundation of the family; one that’s supposed to be built on love and respect between two people. And if the foundation is crumbling, the family notices. In this blog post, we get real and talk about what happens when your kids actually see how Mom and Dad treat each other.

Love and respect; these two words are the heart of any successful marriage - or any deep relationship for that matter. 

But it is so easy for love and respect to be lost in the daily struggle of keeping the pantry stocked, grass mowed, kids schoolwork done, extracurriculars attended, meals prepped, and chores completed. We used to value love and respect. Now we seem to value efficiency and effectiveness!

Many parents find themselves forgetting how their marriage began before the hectic craziness of kids. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away when they loved each other and liked each other enough to start this beautiful, crazy parenting journey. The reality is that few children experience a home where parents model love and respect. And even in homes where Mom and Dad aren’t together, it’s important for kids to see how they interact with love and respect. So, let’s talk about it. 

First, the WHY. Why is it important for kids to see Mom and Dad love and respect each other?

1. A Model of Marriage
Building a marriage on love and respect is powerful for children because it is the primary relationship model they learn from—often long before anyone formally teaches them about relationships. Kids are constant observers. When they see parents treat each other with love and respect, they learn:

• How to speak to someone they love
• How to listen, disagree, apologize and forgive 
• That love isn’t a feeling but a choice to treat others with love and respect. 

2. Safety and Security
No matter the age, part of a child's sense of security is based on their view of one of the foundational elements of their family, their parents' marriage. When children experience their parents valuing and honoring one another, they feel:

• More secure and stable
• Less anxious about family conflict
• Love is safe, not scary
  Free to be kids instead of worrying about adult problems

A peaceful marriage creates a safer emotional environment for growth.

3. A Biblical Commitment
Love and respect in marriage is not just a friendly suggestion; this marital commitment is found directly in Scripture. Ephesians chapter 5 calls husbands and wives to love each other, and respect each other, as they mutually submit to each other. These are basic needs that men and women yearn for in marriage. For more on this, read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs or His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley.

How can you model love and respect for each other in the home? 

Modeling love and respect at home doesn’t require perfection—it requires intention. Remember, kids don’t need flawless parents; they need real parents who show them what healthy relationships look like in everyday life. 

1. Watch your words with each other: Talk lovingly to one another in front of the kids. Avoid sarcasm, or passive aggressive comments that are meant to degrade or “make a point.” 

2. Watch your words with your kids: Don't talk poorly about your spouse or complain about your spouse in front of your kids. Go out of your way to talk positively about your spouse in front of the kids, especially when he or she is not around to hear it. Defend your spouse when the kids express frustration with them.

3. Lead with example: Let your kids see you actively serve one another, whether it’s doing a chore that the other hates or picking up your spouse's favorite dessert from the grocery store "just because." Consider PDA - holding hands, giving hugs - nothing too crazy, in front of the kids so they SEE your love for each other. 

4. Spend time alone with each other: Have times where “no kids are allowed,” so that you can invest in your relationship with each other. Date nights, conversations, and shared activities show children that your marriage is important. Kids benefit from knowing their parents’ relationship is a priority.

Ultimately, modeling love and respect means living it out in ordinary moments—around the dinner table, in stressful times, and in the way you treat each other when no one is watching. 

We are praying that you continue to find ways to model love and respect in your family.

 

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