Mecklenburg Community Church

There are two times a year when parents should take a long hard look at their family schedule: January, following the busy holidays and August, right before our fall activities begin. When we take an honest look at our schedules, chances are we realize there is fat to be trimmed and we are in desperate need to reclaim it.

After the fullness of the Christmas season, it is natural that we enter the New Year with a need to trim the fat of our lives. We feel the side effects of full schedules, full homes, and even our overfull mind.

One problem is our lives are often full of good things! Sports, school, dance practice, friends, vacations…all of these “good” things are things we enter into willingly.

Balancing activities alongside the desire for a slow and present family life can be tricky.

How and where do we start to trim and reclaim our schedules?

We have three simple ideas to explore if you want to cut some “busy-ness” and increase the “peace-fulness” of your family life in the new year.

Two Papers Activity

This idea comes from the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast by child therapists Sissy Goff and David Thomas.

On a blank sheet of paper, have your family call out things that take up space on the calendar (i.e. practice, work, school, recitals, clubs, etc) and write it on the paper
After 1-2 minutes, flip the paper over.
Have your family call out things they would love more of in your regular life (i.e. joy, time with friends, time for hobbies, money, travel, family dinner, reading, etc.) and write them down.
After 1-2 minutes, examine the papers.
Ask, “How are the things we are doing on the first side of this paper leading us towards or away from things we want on the second piece of paper.”
This simple question can lead to conversations about things your family finds deeply meaningful and can be the first step in a process of trimming some commitments that are getting in the way of what your family really values.

Decide if you’re family-focused or kid-focused.

Social researcher Brene Brown notes the difference between two philosophies of family.

A ‘family focused family’: chooses activities based on their effect on the entire family.
A 'kid focused family': chooses activities based on their effect on the individual desires of each child, regardless of how it affects the family.

Which family will you be?

Kid focused families will join any club, any extracurricular, no matter the cost, if it benefits the individual. And thus have a busy, hectic, frantic family life.

Family focused families will say “no” to good things, so they can say YES to what is best for the overall family dynamic.

For example, maybe everyone in your family gets one extracurricular activity; but your son wants to join an afterschool club as well. That club might conflict with a goal to keep Wednesday nights open for family time, or it might line up with a practice another child has and not be much of a hassle to add.

Family centered families will examine each commitment by how it affects the family dynamic. Resolving that scheduled family time is crucial to building strong families will help you make decisions to prioritize that time for the family and not give it up for one individual.

Sabbath

Sabbath is a day (or designated time) to stop working and rest. It is actually one of the 10 commandments God gave us. God commands that we take 1 day a week to rest, play, worship Him, and delight in the life He has given us. Imagine, a day with no commitments, just play and rest. A day with no work or extracurriculars, just community with your family and friends. Sounds too good to be true? It isn’t.

If you need help building a “Sabbath” into your life, check out a book on the Sabbath from The Grounds Bookstore, like this one; or join us (in person or online) for our upcoming class ‘Remember the Sabbath’ where we will walk through how we can build this practice into our modern lives.

The Bible tells us that God’s voice isn’t often a loud and booming one, but a ‘still and small voice’ (1 Kings 19:12). Our fast and loud lives can easily drown out the peace that he offers.

If you are tired of “Busy-ness” and want “Peace-fulness” in your family, we hope you choose one of these three ways to actively pursue that this year.