When Thanksgiving Doesn't Feel Like Thanksgiving

When most of us think about Thanksgiving, we picture a happy family gathering around a huge table, the perfect turkey with the dressing spilling out and lots of smiles and laughter. There’s joy and thanksgiving surrounding the table. But what if it’s a season where thankfulness and joy are hard to come by? What then?

Walking through the hallways in MecKidz, we bump into friends every weekend who are going through hard times. We ourselves might be experiencing a difficult season where we just don’t feel joy as we approach the holidays. There might be financial stress, a divorce or loneliness, difficult family relationships, or maybe even grief over the death of a loved one. Life can bring difficult times and sometimes we don’t feel like celebrating the way we think we are supposed to. 

It’s important to teach our kids that gratitude doesn’t depend on everything being perfect in our lives. Being grateful doesn't mean ignoring the hard things, pushing away sadness, or even pretending we're happy when we're not. It’s learning to recognize God's goodness – even when life doesn't look the way we hoped it would.

Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (NIV)

This verse reminds us that God is near when we're hurting and when we're disappointed. His love and faithfulness aren't dependent on how our circumstances are going. He stays close to us in those moments!

And this is something our kids need to know, also.

So, how can we help our kids develop a heart of gratitude, especially when Thanksgiving can feel heavy?

First, talk about it!

Don't feel like you have to put on a happy face or make everything seem okay for your kids. If your family is experiencing grief, disappointment, or a difficult season, it's okay to talk about it.

Let your kids know that it's okay to feel sad. We can have doubts or grieve the loss of someone because God cares about every single feeling we have. We can always talk to Him about what's happening in our hearts.

Second, lower the bar and let go of perfect expectations!

This is big! Why? Because we feel an immense amount of pressure to produce the "perfect" Thanksgiving experience every single year. But when your emotional tank is running on empty, give yourself permission to bring things down a bit. If cooking a massive turkey feels too heavy, order takeout, make a giant tray of tacos, or ask everyone to bring a dish potluck-style. You can remind your children and yourself that Thanksgiving is a day we value being together and giving thanks to God, not putting together the perfect table.

Remember to look for God's goodness in simple things.

Gratitude doesn't always have to be about the big things. The best opportunities to practice gratitude happen in the simple ordinary moments of life. One family kept a Gratitude Jar with sticky notes in their kitchen during the year. They were instructed that when something made them smile during the day they wrote it down and placed it in the jar. On Thanksgiving Day, they empty the jar and read each note. 

Show your kids what it looks like to trust God when times are tough.

This one is hard to do but our kids are watching how we respond when life doesn't go as planned. They notice when we're stressed or disappointed. They notice when we get discouraged or angry. While we don't need to share every adult worry with our children, we can let them see what it looks like to turn to God in difficult moments. But we must do that…turn to God in those moments. 

Pray together. Read Scripture together. Talk about how God has been faithful to your family in the past. Let them hear you say things like, "This is a hard situation, but I'm thankful we can trust God to help us through it."

Finally, find ways to be a blessing to someone else.

This might be one of the best ways to shift our perspective - focusing on others! Look for simple ways your family can make someone else's day a little brighter. Deliver a meal to someone who is lonely or make cards for someone who might need encouragement.

These small acts of kindness help our kids understand that gratitude isn't just something we feel. It's something we can put into action by loving others the way Jesus loves us.

At the end of the day, you don’t need to cure your family’s sadness or fix the hard circumstance before Thanksgiving arrives. Your job isn't to manufacture “fake happiness.” It's just to hold their hands, walk through the valley together, and point out the small glimmers of God's light along the way. That is what real, messy, human gratitude looks like.

Here is a family prayer:

Dear God, thank You for loving us in every season. Thank You that we can come to You when we're happy, sad, worried, or disappointed. Help us recognize Your goodness even when life feels hard. Teach us to have grateful hearts, to trust You with the things we don't understand, and to look for ways to show Your love to others. Thank You for always being near. We love You! Amen

 

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