Less Words

“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” These words from the book of Proverbs (10:19 NLT) are wise and a bit direct! While this verse isn’t solely about parenting, it does make you think about how we use our words even with our kids.

Have you ever noticed how much talking we do as parents? 

NPR journalist, Michaeleen Doucleff, spent years studying the parenting habits of people around the world and found that America is unique among many cultures in how we parent. 

Chiefly, we parent through words! Americans rely heavily on words and “long lectures” to guide and correct our kids. Doucleff found that many other cultures used few words in parenting, relying more on quiet actions, simple hints and brief questions to guide their child.

For example, in America, we might tell a child before leaving for church, “Get on your shoes we are leaving in 5 minutes and your shoes are right here by the door, did you hear me? Get on your shoes! We are going to be late if you don’t.”

But in other cultures? The parent is far more likely to say “Shoes” and point to the shoes instead of repeating it again.

Other methods involve a simple touch on the shoulders to move them away from an undesirable action towards the desirable one. 

It can make one think…instead of filling every moment with instructions, explanations, and reminders, maybe we can try giving our kids the opportunity to notice, process, and respond.

Here are a few ideas if you want to practice “saying less” when you parent! 

1. Use one word: Instead of a long command, say a single word like, "Shoes," or "Trash." Okay, you may want to add “please” at the end of the one word command. 
2. Use hints: Let the situation do the talking. If the dog is out of water, point to the empty bowl instead of asking them to fill it.
3. Ask short questions: If your child acts out, ask one brief question like, "Where are we going?" or "What do we need to do?"
4. Simplify your request: say “Help me clean the kitchen” instead of “do the dishes and empty the dishwasher and don’t forget to wipe the counters.” Too many specific commands can be overwhelming to process.
5. Use actions: instead of saying “put down the video game and come to dinner”, step in front of the tv, gently put your hand on the remote, and take it away from them, turn off the game, and say nothing. (If they want to save the game, you can let them). But then point to the dining room.
6. Don’t argue: If they argue with you, stay silent. Don’t respond, but don’t budge in your command/request. Not everything needs to be explained. And usually, kids argue to avoid obeying.
7. Use silence: Stop talking and wait for them to process your request. Let your actions model what needs to happen.

“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” Proverbs 10:19 NLT

It might just be the best parenting advice we could get. 

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