Willful Disobedience vs Childish Irresponsibility

As parents, we want our kids to turn into the best human beings they can be. But how do we know when it is just a kid being a kid, or direct defiance?

 

Spilling a cup of yogurt, refusing to share with a sibling, clogging the toilet with too much toilet paper. As a parent, you've likely dealt with something like this…even today. Kids being kids. Do we handle every single misstep that our kids take the same? More than likely, you have a different visceral reaction when you think of your child slapping a sibling compared to your child spilling some chocolate milk. 

So what's the real difference here? 

God gives us as adults free will to obey or disobey, and our kids have that same freedom. When kids purposely make choices to disobey, we call that "willful disobedience." We can all think of times when our children fell victim to this. Refusing to clean up their toys when told to, ignoring the rule of “no throwing balls in the house” after being told not to, calling their sister “toot face” because they know it will make her angry. Disobedience is easy to spot and the Bible is crystal clear that it is a parent's responsibility to discipline when our kids disobey. Discipline is an important part of raising children to be well-adjusted and responsible adults. 

But let's not jump ahead too quickly. If discipline is so important, then is every time our kids miss the mark a time when we need to enforce discipline? Let's answer using an example with Child A and Child B. 

• Child A is a 2 year old boy who is potty training. Out of newfound curiosity in the potty, he dropped a toy dinosaur in the toilet. 
• Child B, a 5 year old girl, decided to drop all of her brother's favorite toy dinosaurs in the toilet.  

They're both examples of dropping toy dinosaurs in the toilet. But most of us would agree Child B's actions seem a lot more "offensive" than child A's. Why?

Child B’s action was "willful disobedience." She was using her free will to make a poor choice. This is the kind of behavior that should not be overlooked by a parent. How we discipline for an act of willful disobedience like this is up for debate, but if we should discipline for an act like this is not a debate at all. Willful disobedience bids for discipline. 

Back to Child A, our curious 2 year old. This act was done out of being a child, a very curious child who lacks experience. Kids are curious. Kids are clumsy. Kids are loud, messy, and creative. The very thing that makes childhood so beautiful can also make children a little challenging. The less than desirable results of this inexperience, messiness, and curiosity can be called "childish irresponsibility." 

Childish irresponsibility is forgetting to bring toys inside before it rains or leaving a trail of juice across the floor.  Acts of childish irresponsibility should be handled totally differently than acts of willful disobedience. We can use times of childish irresponsibility as teaching moments for our kids, but not as times to enforce firm discipline. We can teach our 2 year old that the toilet is not a place for toy dinosaurs and that the toilet is only for eh.. well you get the point. But this does not need to be a time of exasperating our toddler with discipline when their action was just a result of being a curious kid.

When your child does something that raises your blood pressure a bit, take a deep breath and ask yourself if their misstep was a result of "willful disobedience" or "childish irresponsibility." Thinking that through might just be a game changer when it comes to how you approach your next step.

 

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